Ways things would be different if Microsoft was headquartered in
Alabama

1.  Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders
2.  Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle
3.  Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty
     bag
4.  Dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Ahh-right" or "Naw"
5.  Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be Dueling Banjos
6.  The "Recycle Bin" in Winders '95 would be an outhouse
7.  Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player you'd hear a digitized
     drunk redneck yelling "Freebird!"
8.  Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders '95 theme song would be
    Achy-Breaky Heart
9.  PowerPoint would be named "ParPawnt"
10. Microsoft's programming tools would be "Vishul Basic" and "Vishul
      C++"
11. Winders 95 logo would incorporate Confederate Flag
12. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word
13. New Shutdown WAV: "Y'all come back now!"
14. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz"
15. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am
16. Microsoft Office replaced with Micr'sawft Henhouse
17. Four words: Daisy Dukes Screen Saver
18. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill's a billionaire
19. Speadsheet software would include examples to inventory dead cars
      in your front yard
20. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor-Pull Simulator
22. Microsoft CEO: Bubba Gates